Love Bites
by Azfixiation
Summary: shizuru's thoughts and actions during the night she took care of sick natsuki. my take of what happened. very angsty.


A/N - I know this is super short! Forgive me. It's just something I got in my head this morning and couldn't get out. (Blaming Def Leppard! And yes, I so used part of the song on here. Gosh btfo its not like its a songfic) I realize it's horribly...effed up but hey, it's Shizuru, of course it is. So forgive me bringing you more angst butttt I love it.

My take on what happened "that night."

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**Love Bites**

By: Azfixiation

I watch the beads of sweat as they form on Natsuki's pale forehead. Even when ill she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Pressing my palm to her cheek I feel for fever, unsure of what more I could do for her in such a situation. How she gets herself into such dangerous situations is beyond me. It's almost as if she is trying to kill herself through some slow painful emotional torture. I find myself wanting, needing to hold her. In the meantime, I try to keep content with the fact that I am the only one she would rely on in such a situation.

The sight of her chest rising and falling beneath the blanket is mesmerizing and once again I find myself longing to reach out to her the way I wish. The desire is maddening, beyond the depths of anything I have ever longed for before in my life. Somewhere in my mind I'm faintly aware that I should move away before my strength crumbles but I'm also aware of the fact that I probably never had it in the first place.

Fingers reach out to trace the line of her jaw, my tongue dancing across my lips. "I don't want to touch you too much," I whisper to her sleeping form as I lean down to her ear. "I think making love to you would drive me crazy." A giggle escapes from my lips at the realization that I most likely already am. I must be, to torture myself in such a way.

I sit my body next to hers, bending down once more so that my lips just barely graze the skin of her cheek before coming to rest lightly on her own. "Natsuki, how heavily do you sleep?" I question before pressing my lips more firmly to hers. She makes no response, aside from a slight part in her lips as if inviting me. My tongue slides between her parted lips, just barely making contact with hers and the intimate contact causes me to lose the last of my rational thoughts.

I find myself moving my body above hers, my kimono slipping away from my skin. "Oh Natsuki, could you ever accept such a love?" I ask before biting my bottom lip, trying to keep the tears from falling as my mind collapses into a now familiar fog. My desire conflicts with my heart as I feel the heat rising between my legs at the thought of being so exposed in front of Natsuki.

"Natsuki, I want to touch you," I whisper but instead my hand slides across my own skin as I hold myself above her. "I want to give myself to you. Will you accept me?"

The tears fall freely as my heart collapses, yet somehow my desire stays strong in the most painfully conflicting set of emotions I have ever felt. I lean down to kiss her once more and my body shudders when I feel my hand sliding between my own legs. The shame rises in me, but quickly fades as a now too familiar darkness engulfs me. "Natsuki," I cry out, my head falling onto her chest as she lays sick and feverish beneath me. Somewhere in my mind I know how wrong this is but my fears control me; telling me this is the only time I will ever be able to completely expose my soul to Natsuki.

This is fucked up. This is wrong.

_But it feels so good._

I bite my bottom lip once more, the pain blocking out my thoughts as the darkness in me struggles for supremacy. The taste of copper in my mouth faintly pulls me back to reality as my fingers rhythmically move inside of me. "Please save me Natsuki," I breathe out, unsure of everything around me.

Who I am. Who she is. Why we exist. Why I love her. Why she trusts me. What we are fighting for.

_Feel. Just feel. Don't think. _

And so I do. I let the darkness win the battle. I let my body relax at my touch until I feel the pleasure crashing through my very core. I am trembling by the time it is over; clinging to Natsuki's sleeping form as my very world shatters completely.

I wish for death, for anything that would ease this pain but I am forced to survive. To fight for her. I will protect my most precious person even at the cost of my own sanity. I will live so that she may live. I will destroy anything in the way of her happiness.

Even myself.

Somehow the thought calms me. I have a purpose. I have to take care of my Natsuki. I will fight in darkness so that she may live in light. The tears slow, and I'm amazed that Natsuki had truly slept through that. Given it was only minutes, but it feels like I've been in this haze for hours.

"I love you, my Natsuki," I say as I place one last kiss on her lips.

Brushing away the sweat on her forehead I pull away from her body and gather my kimono.

I watch her for a minute more before letting out a long sigh as I turn to leave.

_I will kill them all, before this insanity kills me._


End file.
